ࡱ> A?B#` %bjbj\.\. ..>D>Dvvvvvvv ((H^^^^^" vxxxxxx$h*v^^vv^^BBB v^v^vBvBBvvB^< p<4@Bv0BBvB4B8 $4"vvvvvv Same Sex Inquiry Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission GPO Box 5218 Sydney NSW 2001 3/10/2006 Dear Commissioner, Having attended your Public Hearing in Melbourne last Tuesday and then again in the evening at the Town Hall, I have decided to accept your invitation to share a little of my personal journey with you. I have read many of the submissions published on your website and feel great empathy with many of those who have shared their stories thus far. I have been touched also by the extraordinary journeys as loving couples strive to ensure their partners safe residency in Australia and same sex mothers and fathers pursue their dreams of having their own families. Equally I have been saddened by the many stories of institutionalised discrimination. My partner Robert and I have experienced similar discrimination in many of the major areas canvassed on your website. I wish to not repeat the obvious areas of general discrimination, as many are common to all in same sex relationships. My story begins as a 20year old when as a Cadet Ambulance Officer in rural Victoria, one of my fellow Cadets and mate was admitted to hospital suffering a significant overdose. Fortunately, he phoned me to say goodbye and I was able to distract him sufficiently long enough to establish his whereabouts and call an Ambulance. I was shocked by this emergency and visited him soon after in hospital. Whilst initially embarrassed by his actions, he later said he wished to share something with me. He disclosed he was gay and that he could not reconcile this with his Catholic faith. He had sought counsel from his Priest who had condemned his lifestyle. He had become depressed and felt hopeless and ashamed. I cannot recall just how I felt about my own sexuality at this point, however it was several years later that I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, and my strong attraction to men and longing to love and be loved by a man was not just a phase I was going through. I decided to leave the Ambulance Service as the macho homophobic culture was painful for me. Whilst I had kept my emerging secret hidden, I witnessed my friend being maligned by those he respected as work colleagues. I have spent the last 20 years in the public health system. The first 10 years as the Nursing Coordinator of a large HIV outpatients clinic. Later I trained as a Gestalt Psychotherapist, and I have continued working at the same clinic as a Counsellor. I would like to share some experiences and insights gained both from my own personal therapy journey and from the many clients who trusted me with theirs. It is very difficult to adequately convey the depth of distress many gay men and women experience as they make their way in a heterosexist society. From the time that many individuals become aware of their being different much emotional energy is devoted to coping with the many levels of discrimination. A common issue is a history of school bullying, where individuals become isolated, vilified and the shame cycle begins. Self esteem is eroded and anxiety and insecurity begins. I recall the despair I felt as a teenager, being frequently physically and emotionally assaulted after school for being nothing more than different, quiet, and not liking contact sports. Having come to realise difference, the individual is then confronted with the dilemma of remaining silent or beginning the painful coming out process. For most of us this is fraught with anxiety and uncertainty as to whether others will find us acceptable and loveable. My coming out to parents was met with their silence, fear of what others would think, and the first of many religious suggestions that I had till my last breath to give up this lifestyle I had chosen. Such ignorance and homophobia continued and was a major factor in my ongoing estrangement from my father. Fortunately, others are embraced by their families, and this process is less traumatic. PFLAG Parents and Friends of Lesbian and Gays, offer wonderful support to both the young gay person themselves and or their parents. I once had a young client from the country that desperately wanted to meet a normal family who had a gay son or daughter. PFLAG facilitated this contact, which included an invitation to join them for a hearty home cooked meal. Many of my gay clients tell similar stories which contribute to a host of symptoms including anxiety, insecurity, damaged and lowered self esteem, isolation, depression and at times attempts on ones life. The poignancy of this loneliness is well described in an episode of Four Corners A Deathly Silence screened on ABC television on 15/5/2006.  HYPERLINK "http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2006/s1636278.htm" http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2006/s1636278.htm I hope that the Commission makes it self-familiar with this episode as it powerfully illustrates my point. The program highlights the stark reality of suicide; in this case the silent and tragic end of a young gay mans life. Other long-term health consequences can also occur. Binge drinking, alcoholism, abuse of recreational drugs, unsafe sexual behaviour with consequent HIV infections, are but a few. I am aware of a man in a bona fide interdependent relationship whose partner died of HIV. On the death of his partner (the home owner), who died intestate, his family immediately evicted his partner of many years (despite his own illness) and claimed the property as next of kin. His partner who came from Asia, was not assertive, and chose to not challenge the family as in his culture to do so would be considered disrespectful. Another young gay man committed suicide. His family flew from New Zealand to organise his funeral. Despite a long term estrangement from them - family of origin- , they excluded all his friends his family of association and denied their presence at his funeral. No mention of his life as a vibrant fun loving gay man was made. The obvious discrimination against same sex couples and gays and lesbians is apparent in the many laws referred to by the Commission. What is less obvious and much more insidious is the religious and political discrimination as we have seen in the recent past. Same sex relationships despite the rhetoric have the capacity to enrich lives, provide support, companionship, love and personal growth of the individuals concerned, just as heterosexual relationships can. Yet, politicians and religious leaders suggest that same sex relationships rank second to the commitment of heterosexuals and are not deserving of legal recognition. I love my partner deeply and he me. We depend on one another in all aspects of our lives and look forward to growing old together. We hope that one day soon we will be afforded the opportunity to formally recognise our loving commitment to each other and that it is witnessed by those who love and respect us. We hope also to enjoy the many privileges that a State sanctioned union affords. I thank the Commission for its determination in conducting this comprehensive and timely review. My presence at the Melbourne Hearings satisfied me that the Commission has a real interest in highlighting the legal, political, personal and emotional consequences of this current double standard. I wish to conclude by borrowing a quote from another submission as it truly reflects how I also feel. Having worked continuously for the last 38 years in the service of our Community, I feel like a first class taxpayer yet a second class Australian citizen. Peter Hayes [details removed] NO%%%hi h0JjhUjhUh ?L\]gh{|F G = > CD%+ghcde#f#$$%%%%%%%%%,1h. A!"#$% YDyK 9http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2006/s1636278.htmyK rhttp://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2006/s1636278.htmD@D NormalCJ_HaJmH nHsH tHDA@D Default Paragraph FontViV  Table Normal :V 44 la (k(No List 6U@6 Hyperlink >*B*phFV@F FollowedHyperlink >*B* phH@H i Balloon TextCJOJQJ^JaJ.  "& "& "& b?L\]gh{|FG=> C D +ghcdefr r r r r r r r r r r  r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r r  r r  r r  r r r r r r r r r r r r r ?L\]gh{|FG=> C D +ghcdef0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000?L\]gh{|FG=>h08h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0h0 %%%NX _Hlt147668345@:4>fgghz{|EFG|67]^59$@LN;VWbjNVI2pJSXiO;i@ 7 @UnknownGz Times New Roman5Symbol3& z Arial;SimSun[SO5& zaTahoma"h˱˱24d2X)?NVI2Oh+'0P    $08@H Normal.dot4Microsoft Office Word@@Bە4@@Bە4@՜.+,D՜.+,< px    Title 8@ _PID_HLINKSAF9http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2006/s1636278.htm !"#$%&'()*+-./012356789:;>Root Entry F`>4@@Data 1Table WordDocument..SummaryInformation(,DocumentSummaryInformation84CompObjq  FMicrosoft Office Word Document MSWordDocWord.Document.89qRoot Entry F''SC@@Data 1Table WordDocument.. !"#$%&'()*+-./0123KDEFGHIJ՜.+,D՜.+,< px    Title 8@ _PID_HLINKSAF9http://www.abc.net.au/4corners/content/2006/s1636278.htmSummaryInformation(,DocumentSummaryInformation8CCompObjq